When was the last time your work was edited?

Every time I write something that isn't for my eyes only, I fret. I write, procrastinate, read aloud, write a bit more, procrastinate a lot more, write, edit, and revise until I make myself a bit (more) nutty.

On this blog, though, I have freed myself from the need to be 100% comprehensible, because sometimes I think it helps to share my thinking journey with the help of my wonderful network of learners. The learning/thinking process is often murky, tiring, and sometimes frankly overwhelming.

Recently, I had an "aha" as I attempted to extinguish the anxiety of submitting my work for an editor. Every time I've gone through the editing/revision process with an editor, whether it's the ASCD Arias book I just completed or for my occasional pieces for EdSurge, I've gained a greater appreciation and deepened empathy for my students.

When they put their thoughts into words, and receive our "helpful" feedback, students are in such a vulnerable space. I wonder how often we ponder this as we take our colored pens and proceed to write on top of their work. I wonder how what we say,  even down to the tone of our words, impacts the future of our writers. This brings me to my question:

Have you had a recent experience of sharing your work and going through the writing process with someone who had some sort of authority or power over it?

Maybe we don't need to have others edit our work to remember this feeling. But it can't hurt to try it out. Next time you write that blog post, poem, or short story, why not send it to a friend who will be brutally honest? Or even better, why not take the plunge and submit your work to your favorite website or publication?

Your students will thank you.

Wait Time..it Matters

So I'll make this short as it's a painful post to write, and, frankly, I share it because it relates to the way we help kids deal with the complex issue of forgiveness.

I got a message yesterday that hit me straight in the gut. As I read the words, I literally felt sick. I won't reveal those words, but they were certainly straight to the point.

I had hurt someone, not just anyone, but a good friend, not intentionally, but perhaps by 2 counts of careless neglect. I accepted an invitation from a nearby friend, although a tiny voice inside whispered that perhaps I should talk to the faraway friend who might feel excluded. I then proceeded to quell that voice inside somehow and subconsciously decide there was nothing to talk about.  Why? Now this is all conjecture because I never allowed myself to think about it..but maybe it was because deep down I was afraid to face a conversation where I might have to hear that someone I care about could be hurt.

This happens all the time with kids: they exclude others without fully realizing what is happening.. and then fail or even refuse to consider how the others might feel... but more about that later.. 

Of course, this type of avoidance never goes well. Ignoring that wise little voice of intuition is never a good thing. But I did.. perhaps because I'm juggling too many balls, perhaps because I lack confidence in dealing with potential conflicts .... the reason doesn't matter. I screwed up. 

And this brings me to the what next.

I sent an apology. I tried to explain (and tried not to defend) my actions or lack thereof. And now I wait, in the gut-wrenching knowledge that I have caused another human being emotional pain, and that this person may decide to never forgive me. And I am so very sad.

And then it dawned on me: It's not in my control. I must wait.. If I keep trying to reach out, perhaps I am not honoring the other person's need for time. Ultimately, I will also have to forgive myself, whether or not the other person does.

This brings me to what we do with kids when they make a mistake that hurts another person. 

We often make them apologize, and then we also expect the offended person to accept. What if that person isn't ready to forgive? Do we help kids understand that relationships are a process and that a breach in trust just doesn't go away after the, "I'm sorry?"

Just as adults need time for processing, so do kids. Feelings are a complicated landscape, and so often we make things worse by our own need to tie things up in a nice bow and say we've taken care of it.

I don't know how to make right the wrong. And I'm an adult! Imagine how complicated it is for kids.

I do know this:
I vow to act with more intention and to listen to the sensitive soul inside me who keeps me on track.
I will practice letting go of the outcome; I cannot expect someone to forgive me, but only express my feelings of regret and hope that one day they will believe again.
I will help kids understand that the process of forgiveness is not a clean, simple, linear one and that it's okay if we don't have immediate closure.

Here's a final question for you: 
How do you help kids move on when they don't get the result they want?

EQ Week 2014 is coming, March 10th-15th!

I strongly believe that the more we learn about emotional intelligence, the more able we are to navigate our own emotional lives as well as empower those we interact with each day.

In 2012 I participated in the very first EQ week webinars, and I was excited to learn about the wonderful work of Six Seconds. I attended their educator training the following summer and began to incorporate more social emotional lessons into my 4th grade curriculum. 

I'm excited to share: EQ WEEK 2014 -- the 3rd annual online conference with over 60 webinars - all free!!!  Speakers from ALL over the globe will share their wisdom on neuroscience, parenting, leadership, teaching -- and LIFE. Webinars are live and have limited space, but recordings are avail for a month following.  Details & signup here: http://www.6seconds.org/e/ 

Hope to see you (virtually) there! 

(Just an FYI: I gain nothing financially from sharing this news. I just believe in the power of EQ!) 

Civility: Are we Modeling it?

This little guy, at nearly 4 months, watches everything and has begun responding by imitating.  I'm certainly cleaning up my language and thinking of how I will do my best to be a good grandma role model ;-) 

Just back from Costco, which was a darn stupid idea on the day before Super Bowl. Getting my car  parked was a feat in itself, even though I aimed for a space in the absolute farthest lot.

As I entered the store, I paused waiting for the lady next to me to go ahead. We both smiled, saying at the same time, "Go ahead." Ok, I thought..this won't be as bad as I expected.

Halfway down the frozen aisle a kid ran by, bumping into me. I'll admit: I was a bit irritated as I had seen kids running on the previous aisle and it was crowded and a bit dangerous to have 8 year olds ducking and diving. In any case, as he blazed by, realizing that he had just hit me he stopped, looked at me, and said, "Excuse me.. sorry!" A smile crossed over my teacher face as I thought of telling his dad, down the aisle, that I appreciated his politeness. I decided, however, that much as I would welcome such a comment from a stranger, not all adults would take it the right way. I carried on, trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

Moving toward the front of the store, I rounded a curve, and nearly collided with a woman, shaking her head and frowning as I uttered, "Excuse me." We were both completely where we should be: simply navigating a shared space. For some reason, though, she could not be gracious in this negotiation. I smiled and carried on. Kill 'em with kindness, right?

Whatever, I shrugged, as I decided it was definitely time to get out of there. The checkout line: perfectly pleasant, as I chatted with the cashier and bagged my items, remembering the many years I spent working in retail and my vow to always treat others especially kindly.

The parking lot was where it hit me the hardest. Safely in my car, groceries packed, I witnessed an interchange between drivers much like the one I had with my cart in the store. A woman threw up her arms, shouted out her window at another woman who was simply coming around the corner and "in her way" for a few seconds. Wow, I thought, maybe I missed something.

But it was her next move, when she was suddenly behind me in the line of cars exiting the lot that got my attention. Because I didn't hit the gas full speed as the light changed, she swerved out into the next lane, nearly clipping my car as we rounded the turn.

SO many questions ran through my mind: Is she in a hurry to get somewhere because someone is in danger? What would rationalize such behavior: driving a car so aggressively? If she pulled up next to me, and I had a chance, would I say something? 

Of course, I must admit, that I was somewhat pleased that her impulsive move left her at the end of a slower moving line of cars. Ha! That's what she gets, I thought. I'm human, right?

Afterward, I kept thinking about how we expect kids to be polite and civil, yet we see so many examples of adults who are not modeling it. I'm sure I'm guilty too, but now, with a grandson watching, I'm sure I'll be a bit more aware of my words and actions.

Little eyes are watching.

 

  

The Classroom Project- Classroom Supplies for Teachers Contest

I know what it's like to spend so many $ out of pocket for classroom supplies, so when I see an opportunity to avoid dipping into my hard earned cash, I like to share!

Check out this project. Why not even let the students help you write the essay/post? The deadline is Dec. 16th, so you've got time! After all, who couldn't use a Staples gift card?

The Classroom Project- Classroom Supplies for Teachers Contest

My 2014 Wish List for EdTech

It's the holiday season, so here's my teacher wish list of what I'd like to see happen in the edtech arena!

• More focus on student driven learning! Yes, I mean interesting, relevant topics and approaches that engage students in not only learning, but also in helping them realize that they have a great big world of opportunity that awaits them, both in and out of school. Products that scaffold students along the way, encourage them to take bigger risks, and try out challenges just a bit above their "safe zone" score big in my book! Bonus points for platforms or games that do this and also add a place for reflection, so kids can connect their experiences of success to thoughts and ideas that will promote further success.  Kinda like something that might happen if Vgotsky, Csikszentmihalyi and Dweck got together! 

• Tools that engage students in self regulation, reflection, and goal setting.  Whether it's a goal for their behavior at school and developing their own strategies to improve, or an academic goal, students are capable of reflecting, evaluating, and taking action. We often get in the way! If you're a developer and interested in talking more about this, let me know. I want to see more student reflection and less teacher judging... enough said!

• Platforms that connect students to real-world mentors. In the assets based approach from the Search Institute, research shows that the higher the number of caring adults and interactions a student has, the better chance for success.  In my fantasy world, I would love to develop a tool that creates a mentor net: a group of people who virtually or in combo with f2f, help a middle to high school student create a path toward the future.  These folks could check in periodically to help a student stay on track toward his/her goals, and could recommend others that the student could include in their group of mentors. Students could also share and comment on each others' nets and encourage each other to keep working toward their goals. This platform could lead to internships, connections to college opportunities, or simply an inspiring conversation with a college student or industry professional. 

• Tech and maker combos that allow kids to see the results of their coding exploits come to life in front of them. 3d printers are very cool and any kinds of hands on activity that allows trial and error exploration without costing a fortune are great! 

• Tools that support overall health. Zamzee is a cool activity monitor that gets kids moving and competing against themselves and others in active play. I'd love to see tools like this incorporate self-reflection; perhaps a journal app to reflect how you felt after conquering those 12 flights of stairs? It would be incredibly powerful for kids to see the link between their self-talk, feelings of empowerment and their physical activity. Ok, I could be dreaming.. but.. 

• More opportunities for partnerships between teachers, funders, and developers. I've had an idea that I've wanted to pursue for over a year and don't necessarily want to quit teaching. What if there was a partner match platform, where teachers could propose their ideas, get voted up or down by students and educators, and solicit partnerships with those who have what we don't  have: money, design skills, and coding skills!! 

What types of tools would you like to see in 2014? 

Praise or Reflective Questioning?

I read a tweet this morning and can't recall who posted it, but it was something about the most important thing you can say to a child is that you are proud of them. Yes, I do believe in giving positive feedback, especially since some kids hear far too many negative comments in the course of a day.

On the other hand, I believe that it's critical that kids actually believe in themselves and take pride in their own growth. I want them to be able to stop in their tracks and bask in the afterglow of conquering a difficult challenge.

Maybe instead of saying, "I'm so proud of you," we can ask, "How do you feel after working so hard?" "Do you realize what a big accomplishment this is?"

When students come to me, glowing with pride, ready to share a story of success,  I ask them to stop for a moment and savor the feeling. I watch, as they stand a bit taller and smile so grandly. I listen intently to their story and then as they answer my question: How do you feel right now? I try to anchor them in that proud moment so that they can remember it when the going gets tough.

My goal in all of this is to reinforce a growth mindset. If you haven't read Carol Dweck's work, I highly recommend it.

 I want kids to know that the hard work and the satisfaction that comes with it is what matters.

And yes, I am proud of them, even  especially when they make mistakes, when they fall, get up, and try again.

I'd love to hear what you think!